i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
