whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
