How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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