One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
