Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
