i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
