There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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