I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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