Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
