His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
