i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
