I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
