i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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