So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
