I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
