so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
