Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
