Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She bit a glass in half.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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