i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
