What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
