Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
