My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
