yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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