Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
