So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize