i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
