I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
