2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
