sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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