Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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