does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
