my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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