a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
