I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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