fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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