Non-Jews are for practice
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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