I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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