arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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