I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
