WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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