Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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