I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
