she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
