she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
