I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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