I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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