I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we're chasing vodka with high fives
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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