I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
