So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
