she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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