just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and she was petting her beer can
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
