I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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