He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
