So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
