She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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