Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
