I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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