They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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