I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
