So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
only if we run a train.
done.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
