we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
