the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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