checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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