Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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