Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize