Do you still have your period?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
