just come out here and I will go home with you...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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