you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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