Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
