Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
